Back where I belong
by Leaf.On.The.Wind.08
Summary: Skyeward one shot inspired by the song "So Strong" by Naughty Boy feat. Chasing Grace. It takes place post 2x06.


He had been screaming just then. He had been looking at her die, over and over and over again.  
He had been screaming her name.  
But it was just a dream.  
He is in a bed, in a dusty hotel room.  
He is far from her. He is on his own.  
And he hasn't been screaming.  
She wasn't dying.  
It was just a dream.

She wakes up every nigh. The time varies. But the dream is always the same.  
They are in Providence. They are kissing. She can feel something warm on her fingers and when she looks at it it's blood, his blood. From the cut behind his ear. She looks at it and he takes her hand in his; his large, strong hands around hers, and he looks at her, and tells her it's going to be ok, they're going to be ok, and she believes him, because she trusts him, still, and she kisses him again and she wakes up, gasping, trembling, afraid, and she always needs a few moments to remember where she is, who she is, what happened.  
She turns around in her bed and tries to go back to sleep. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn't.  
Sometimes she likes to think about what could have been. If things had turned out differently. Sometimes it helps her find sleep again.

He doesn't have much time to think so he doesn't think much about her. When he is on the move, he needs to be constantly vigilant, he's always checking his surroundings, making sure he's not being followed, that everything is going according to plan. This takes a lot of energy and attention so he doesn't let his mind wander.  
But sometimes, he can catch a breath. When he is in a diner, and he's sure it's safe, and he's having a bite of his favourite sandwich with a cup of warm coffee. When he is in a motel room, has played every attack and escape scenario in his mind and knows how to react to any situation. When he is on a bus, and he knows no one poses a threat and that the probability of the bus being stopped in the middle of nowhere is extremely low.  
Then and only then will he allow himself to think about her.  
Then and only then, will his eyes get brighter than usual, his face be less tensed, his body relaxed.  
Then and only then, will he remember the soft touch of her hand on his face.

She won't admit it. She won't even realize it. But she misses him.  
As his S.O. or as his arch-nemesis, he's always been a part of her new life, her shield life. He brought her to shield and he had been there ever since.  
Now that he's gone, she feels different.  
At first she thought she was relieved. Relieved that someone else would take that burden on, that someone else would deal with him.  
But she only really felt relieved when she learned that he had escaped.  
Somewhere deep down, she knew something was wrong with the way they were dealing with him. But she didn't know what. She didn't know how to think, how to feel about the whole situation.  
But when Coulson told them, jaw tensed, fists clenched, that he had escaped, she understood. How she felt. How wrong they had been, _she_ had been.

He made her a promise. He hopes he will be able to keep it.  
But first, he has to take care of himself. He has to face his own demons. To learn how to tame them. To be the one in control of his life. And the only one.  
He has a plan. He knows what he has to do.  
He's hoping that she will still be willing to look at him, to listen to him, once it's all over.

When she has some free time, she replays their encounters in her head. She doesn't do it on purpose. It just happens. She can't help herself. She remembers every word, every movement, every look.  
She remembers the anger she no longer feels.  
Instead, she experiences some kind of longing. And a feeling of loss.

When he gets there, for the first time, he doubts himself. Doubts his plan.  
He doesn't know if he'll be strong enough.  
He doesn't know if he'll be strong enough to face his own brother.

When she sees him, on the video feed from the security cams, she wants to stop him. She wants to tell him to come back.  
To come home.  
She wants to tell him they can fix it. What was once broken. Now she knows, they can fix it.  
She wants to scream.  
But she has orders to follow.

The night before, he had that same dream.  
But this time, he saved her; the way she had saved him.  
For a few seconds, he thinks of turning around. Going back.  
But there's no fixing what he did.  
There's no going back.

She turns the video off.  
She did what she was told.  
She can't watch any longer.

On the video she's not watching any more, he can be seen opening the door.  
Last night, he saved her in his dream.  
Now it's time for him to save himself.


End file.
